I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
