By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have feelings that need drinking.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize