carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
