I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
