trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
