marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
