I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize