i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
