Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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