I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
