We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
