Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
