I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she pinky promised me she was 18
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
