Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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