Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Randomize
