The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
