Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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