I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
