If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
