My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
