I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize