Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
