I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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