yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
