She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
