You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You left your phone here
Wait...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
