Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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