She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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