WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
