Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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