hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
