The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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