drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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