so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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