I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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