good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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