roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
