Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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