nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
be right there i have to get my cape
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
