You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
