i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
