A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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