I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
