Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
