My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just want nice things and good sex
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
