he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You are a booty call, not a friend.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
