Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
