Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
