I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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