I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
