tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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