I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
