Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
