he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
