Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I am midnight drunk by noon
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
