is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
