Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I forget how to act sober
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