i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
