I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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