i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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