I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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