She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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