I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you remember whose house we're in?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
