I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
