I think i peed on brittanys purse
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
