I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
