just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
