There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
