I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
