One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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