He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
