If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
