A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
