you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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