Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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