I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
