I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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