I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
