Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
