he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
