dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
