I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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