judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
