I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
