do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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