i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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