I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
