i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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