This is the prime rib incident all over again
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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