i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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