dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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