my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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