I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
